How Barbie changed my life, for better and for worse

The day I learned how to read price tags as a child was when I asked my mother to buy me a particular Barbie that I liked in Rustans. I can’t remember what the doll looked like anymore; but I do remember it was somewhere around P256 pesos. It was a lot of money to me as a child, but Mama always indulged my love for dolls.

I also vividly remember standing, thoroughly stunned, in front of the Grecian goddess-inspired Barbie. She had incredibly pale skin, raven black hair, and a diaphanous dove white dress. It was almost P3,000 then - unimaginable to me in my adolescence - and I swore to myself that I would be rich enough one day to buy it for myself. I would do everything within my power to afford something so beautiful, just to look at it.

I had dozens of Barbies when I was younger. I hoarded the clothes and shoes, and even had a Barbie house at some point. That collection was my pride and joy. But when I was 13, our house in Cavite was swallowed by a flood for the first time in my life. I picked out all my Barbies one by one from the mud, but they never looked nor smelled the same after. I threw everything away and I have not bought a Barbie since then.

I loved Barbie because she was beautiful. That wasp waist, light skin, perfect straight hair (which I wanted so badly, given my curly hair), flawless makeup, and impeccable wardrobe were my standards of beauty as a child. But man, it fucked me up. It’s one of the sources of my body dysmorphia, and as an adult I still suffer from it. Yes Barbie eventually came out with other body types and nationalities when I was much older, but the damage was done.

Another reason I loved Barbie was because she had her shit together. She has a nice car, a nice house, pretty clothes, and a social life. She was empowered and she chose a colorful, creative life. This was before all the other Barbie jobs came out so the job part was a bit vague, but I knew she had money. She was independent. Yes she had Ken, but Ken was always optional. She’s still fabulous and happy without him, and I wanted to be that too. She truly inspired me to be the best version of myself.

Yes, I am absolutely watching that Barbie movie. Maybe, if I can find it, I will finally buy that Greek Barbie.