How my beauty look changed during the pandemic
Identity is a strange thing. It’s never static, ever evolving, and most of the time there are few physical manifestations that a person is not the same as you found them last. I’d like to think that I changed considerably since 2020. There is a rewiring of my internal circuitry, new parts added, old parts broken down and taken out. I try to keep an inventory but I am a complex machine and it’s impossible to know everything about myself.
What I DO know is that I’ve changed the way I do makeup. If you’ve watched some of my Facebook live videos pre-pandemic, you’d notice that I wore a lot of bright eyeshadows and loud lipsticks. In my mind, if I were going to apply makeup anyway, I might as well go all out! I would show up to casual meetings with emerald green eyeshadow for no reason other than I could. Even in college, I would go to classes in rockstar glam makeup, with smoky blue eyeshadow and pale nude lips. Thank goodness UP was quite chill when it comes to dress codes!
I’ve always associated my makeup looks with self-expression. Two things: I wanted to improve and show off my makeup application skills and make people notice me. I am a self-conscious person, yes, but I didn’t want to be invisible. I wanted to be different and special, and makeup is something that easily set me apart. All I needed was a cheap Ever Bilena or Nichido palette and I could go to town in full swagger.
When the world shut down for two years, however, that’s when I slowly let go of my bright makeup persona. There were no events to dress up for, no parties with people to impress, nowhere to announce “I am here!” The part of myself that was a peacock slowly died.
All I cared about was survival. I was in full fight or flight mode for two years straight and I can’t even say for sure that I’m already out of it. I don’t know that I’ve had the chance to grieve this little death. Maybe this essay is me grieving.
These days, all I wear is some concealer, powder, eyebrow color, mascara, blush, and lipstick - all very minimalist. It’s trendy right now, but a natural look has always been trendy anyway. I miss the person who’d step out with fiery purple eye makeup and hot pink lipstick. I can, you know. Do it. No one is stopping me. But every time I think about going ham with the color, I feel curiously overdressed. It feels like I’m applying a mask on a caricature.
I’ve decided not to beat myself up over it. Maybe one day I will be like my old self again, but in the meantime I love how little time it takes to do minimalist makeup. I love that it makes me look more modern, sleek, and effortless. I can live with that.
