Is It Time to Stop Saying “Pumayat Ka”?

It’s a scene we’re all too familiar with: you bump into an old friend, maybe it’s been a while since you’ve seen each other, and you gush, “Wow, pumayat ka!” ("You lost weight!"). It’s often said with such enthusiasm, and usually, it comes with a compliment about how good they look. There’s no malice, no intention to harm. But is it really as simple as that? Or are there layers we need to peel back, like the many feelings we have about our own bodies?

On one hand, there’s no denying that people do like receiving this compliment—especially in a society like ours where weight loss is often celebrated. It’s the kind of praise that’s intertwined with notions of discipline, hard work, and self-care. In many cases, weight loss is seen as a visible marker of taking care of oneself, and as a result, it’s almost second nature for many to comment on it. I mean, who doesn’t want to hear that they look great, right?

But here’s where it gets tricky: the “pumayat ka” comment can hit very differently depending on the person hearing it. For some, it might feel like validation after months of effort, sweating it out at the gym, or making mindful changes to their lifestyle. It can feel like a boost, a little affirmation that their efforts haven’t gone unnoticed. But for others, that same compliment can bring a pang of discomfort—sometimes even sadness. It’s complicated, like the way we all have different relationships with food, exercise, and our own bodies.

Let’s consider a few scenarios. Imagine someone who’s lost weight because they’ve been struggling with illness, anxiety, or depression. The weight loss might be a sign of internal battles rather than a deliberate choice. Hearing “pumayat ka” can feel like their suffering is being overlooked, even if the comment is well-meaning. It might make them feel unseen, or worse, like their thinner body is being valued over their mental and emotional well-being.

Or think of someone who has been navigating a long journey with body image issues. They might have worked hard to detach their sense of self-worth from their weight, learning to appreciate their body for all it does rather than what it looks like. For them, being praised for weight loss can feel like a step back into a mindset they’re trying to leave behind, one where thinner automatically means better.

It’s worth noting, too, that by saying someone looks better now that they’ve lost weight, we’re indirectly suggesting that they weren’t as attractive before. It’s like a backhanded compliment—intentions might be pure, but it could leave a subtle sting.

So, should we stop saying “pumayat ka” altogether? Maybe. Maybe not. I think it’s less about banning phrases and more about being aware of the impact our words can have. Maybe, instead of making weight the focus of our compliments, we could try saying things like, “You look happy!” or “You’re glowing!” These kinds of remarks don’t center around weight, but they still acknowledge someone’s well-being and the positive energy they’re giving off.

And if you do know for sure that your friend has been working hard on their fitness and would appreciate hearing about their progress, go for it—but maybe consider saying it in a way that centers their effort rather than just the end result. Something like, “You look really fit, I can see the work you’ve put in!” feels more nuanced, like it acknowledges both the journey and the intention.

Ultimately, what we’re really talking about is sensitivity and empathy. We can never fully know what someone else is going through with their body, but we can be more mindful of how our words land. It’s not about tiptoeing around people’s feelings or being overly cautious, but about remembering that our words can shape how others see themselves—sometimes for better, sometimes for worse. And at the end of the day, isn’t it more meaningful to remind people that they’re valued and appreciated for so much more than what they look like?