When is "self-care" too much already?
Self-care is a tricky subject to talk about because it means different things to different people. No one else can be an expert on self-care except the self giving and receiving the care, so it’s a little bit of an airtight loop. Only you know if it is working or not.
When quarantine started all over the world, there are two opposing camps that emerged: one that encourages hyper productivity (learn the skill you’ve always wanted to learn! Start that side hustle you’ve always wanted to have!) and one that says “fuck productivity, just slow down and take all the time you need to heal mentally”. This is anecdotal, of course, but it seems a lot of people have taken to the latter message more. I can see why. It’s easier to just slow down and do whatever feels good. Netflix, snacks, and social media validation (among other things) feel good. But is it actually good for us in the long term?
I think the answer lies somewhere in between the two sides (as usual). Shutting or slowing down and curling into ourselves is good when we are overburdened by the world because this gives us peace, comfort, and energy. But you know how it’s not good to charge our electronic devices for too long? I suspect that it might be the same for people. The Law of Diminishing Marginal Utility applies, where the satisfaction derives from something reaches a point after which it starts to become a liability.
There is such a thing as too much “self-care”. It’s too much when you’ve completely reneged on your commitments to yourself and to other people. It’s too much when you’re still anxious, unhappy, sleeping poorly, and your health is negatively affected. Self-care in this case should not be just candles, face masks, Koreanovelas, wine, and journaling; you should consider consulting a professional, if you have the privilege to do so, and if you don’t perhaps change your routine to check for what really works in the long term. Confide in a trusted friend or family member to get a better picture of the loop you’re in.
My version of self-care is to be as productive as possible and to learn new things. When I’m moving and solving even just small problems, I feel triumphant; the big problems are still there, but I feel more empowered to take them on at my own pace. The last six weeks have been a whirlwind of activity for me at home. I rest a lot, of course, but I feel worst when I’m over-rested and the hours are just blank. Things are incredibly tough for me right now and things could definitely be better, but I feel even-keeled and optimistic.
I’m not an expert, so I’m just speaking from experience. What works for me will not necessarily work for you. What I do believe works for everyone is radical honesty. You have to be honest when you’re evaluating yourself and your life. Is your self-care approach working for you? If the answer is yes then that’s great, keep it up! If it’s not, look at the things that aren’t working out for you and change them. Consider this a reminder that you have that power in you.
