Monday Musings: Should The Price Of Your Engagement Ring Matter?

I’m sure you’ve all seen the viral post over the weekend: an anonymous woman asks for advice about whether she should feel bad about receiving a 299-peso engagement ring from her boyfriend of eight years. The internet swiftly grouped themselves in two camps: one who swears that the price of the ring shouldn’t matter and that women shouldn’t be materialistic, and one who condemned men who can’t be bothered to put effort into popping the question. It’s obviously a sore point for so many people, and that’s what led to such strong opinions.

My husband James and I at our engagement party

I think it’s because the function of marriage has changed dramatically in the last few decades. Before, men in cisgender relationships are expected to provide for women in a single income household, and women are expected to have children and manage the family’s home and social engagements. This is why having an expensive engagement ring mattered so much before: it represented that a man is financially ready to provide for a family and that he promises this stability to one woman. And love too, of course. But let's be real: it’s also about the money.

Today, we see that the gender dynamics have shifted significantly. Many women are now career-oriented, financially independent, and marriages are more partnerships than financial arrangements. Women are commonly expected to share half or a significant chunk of the family’s expenses. It’s no surprise that engagement rings have become less about financial security and more about the sentimental value and the personal journey of a couple.

It's important to remember that effort and value are not solely determined by a price tag. The effort put into choosing a ring that reflects the personality and preferences of a partner can be far more meaningful than its cost.

On the flip side, it's also fair to acknowledge that some might see the low cost as a lack of effort or unwillingness to invest in the relationship. It's essential to have open and honest communication about expectations and values when it comes to such significant decisions. After all, an engagement ring is not just a piece of jewelry; it's a precursor to a lifetime of decisions and compromises that the couple will have to make together.

My engagement ring

His engagement watch

My own engagement ring didn’t cost that much, to be honest, but my husband and I had so much fun designing it together and finding the perfect jeweler to do it. We found and bought his engagement watch together while we were in Tokyo, and for both items we split the bill. We exchanged these at our engagement party, where we proposed to each other in front of our family and friends. That’s just the kind of relationship we have and doing it this way is the most meaningful to us.

In the end, the debate over the cost of an engagement ring is a deeply personal one. What matters most is the mutual understanding and respect between partners. If a 299-peso ring is given and received with love, respect, and understanding, then it is priceless. However, if it becomes a source of resentment or misunderstanding, then no amount of money spent can cover the emotional damage it creates.

Marriage, after all, is about more than just the symbols and ceremonies that lead up to it. It's about the life you build together afterward, and that life is built on more than just the price of a ring.