How I learned to love my natural curls

“Your hair looks amazing,” a stranger on the street comes up to me with a smile on her face. “Where did you get the curls done?” I then proceed to tell them that the curls are natural. It’s often met with an amazed face when I tell them I got them from my dad or a smirk that shows they don’t really believe me. Sometimes, I get someone who wants to touch my hair just to make sure. You see, all this has been pretty recent. Growing up in the Philippines in the 90s and early 2000s, my hair was never considered pretty. Straight, shiny hair was glorified and curls were often seen as unruly or buhaghag.

I remember watching a Tagalog movie called Dahil Mahal na Mahal Kita. The late actor Rico Yan was in it so I was naturally drawn to the movie. Claudine Barreto who played the lead role was considered the campus’ bad girl. She was pretty, popular, and kind of a rebel. She falls in love with Rico’s character who preferred “good girls”. Looking back, this plot was definitely problematic and did not age well but this was 1998. Claudine proceeds to dress in clothing that’s a lot more modest and becomes a lot nicer to her peers. She also straightens her hair. After a fight with Rico, she goes back to being a bad girl, complete with her curls.

For eight year old me and my classmates the subliminal message was pretty clear. Curls are bad and straight, shiny hair was the standard. Shampoo commercials never featured anyone with curls. If they did, it was always to show the ‘before’ situation of tresses that will finally become sleek and tamed once their product is used. I’ve been abroad for some years and only came back three months ago but I don’t think much has changed on this front. Every time I see a shampoo ad, I still don’t see my hair type represented but I’m thankful that people are actually starting to like the look.

I don’t know how to feel when I get DMs from people telling me they take my photo to the salon to ask the stylist to copy my curls. On one hand, I feel flattered but on the other, I feel utter disbelief. For some reason, it takes me back to the time when I was being teased for my hair. Kulot salot, as passé and unimaginative as it is, really sticks to your head. I remember sitting in a salon asking a stylist to rebond my hair and make sure it was “straight and pretty” for prom. I was fifteen and little did I know, I was paying someone to damage my hair and spend a whole two years regrowing everything.

I was already in university when I realized that instead of trying to change myself to conform to these standards, I should work with what I already have and define myself in my own terms. The moment I started loving my hair and paying attention to what it needed to grow well, my tresses started to thrive and look their best. 

I realized that the only reason I thought my hair was not pretty enough was because of all those commercials and what I saw on TV. They influenced people around me into thinking the same thing. When I was at the beginning of embracing my curls, a friend’s mom came up to me and told me that I should get my hair rebonded. She does it herself every year to keep “the curse” from coming out. My resolve was still pretty shaky at the time and I went home feeling insecure and thinking about another salon visit. That is, until I saw my grandmother, sitting on our couch with a smile. She was so excited to show me her surprise – her new hair. She went to the salon to have it curled so we’ll be the same.

Nowadays, I see more curly girls in Manila and my heart swells with so much pride. I don’t know what the turning point was. Was it more international films? The rise of going au naturel? I’m not even sure. But somewhere along the way, more and more Filipinas started embracing their natural hair, caring for it rather than straightening it into submission. I feel prettiest in my curls nowadays – with or without anyone stopping me on the street to tell me that they think so. I just know and feel that way.

I toyed with the idea of doing the Curly Girl Method and I would have loved that. However, as someone who writes about beauty, I do need the option to change things up. Admittedly, I also enjoy playing around with different styles. I still straighten my hair every now and then using my Dyson Corrale to change things up but I always look forward to going back to my curls.

So if you’re at a point wherein your struggling with your curls because of peer and media pressure, even if we're not represented well out there, here’s a curly girl telling you that your hair is pretty too. You just need to love and care for it the way it needs you to.