Monday Musings: The big move and falling back in love with my life

Note: It’s not Monday right now, but.

I’ve recently moved out of the apartment I’ve been living in for 12 years. It happened really fast - my husband and I viewed our current home on a Saturday and by Friday next week we were fully moved in. We’ve been wanting to make this change for a while because most of James’s work is in Pasig and Mandaluyong, and our friends and family are also in this area. As you know, traffic in Manila is extreme so we needed to be closer to where we spend most of our time.

I do feel sad about leaving my home for 12 years but it is time. As much as I loved it there, I also felt stuck and cramped. The new place is almost three times bigger so there’s definitely more room to breathe!

Now I wasn’t sure if I should even write this post at all. But I’ve had this blog for 14 years now and it has seen me through all the major changes in my life, and this move certainly counts. It was stressful and exhausting - I had body pain for days afterwards! - but our new place is worth it.

It’s true that when you’re in a different place you gain a new perspective. What I’ve been chewing on for the last week or so is that falling in love with your life is an active choice. It doesn’t just happen naturally and passively, at least, not most of the time. You have to choose to love your life the way you choose to love a person - with intention, open eyes, and a generous heaping of patience.

For some time now I’ve been feeling stuck and a little bit lost. Maybe it’s a late quarter life or early midlife crisis? I don’t know. I’m 34 and I haven’t been feeling like myself. I mention my age because I think it has something to do with my age - I’m young enough to know what young people do and think and say, but I’m old enough to know a little bit better. So where is the best place to stand? I’ve been trying to figure that out.

I might have the answer: it doesn’t freakin’ matter. All that matters is that I like and love where I am. There is no “best” place, there is only where I am in the moment.

Living in someplace new makes me more conscious of the smallest things. The way the light crawls into my bedroom in the morning as the sun rises, the way the rich colors of my upholstery complements my parquet floors, the way the wind blows on the hill as I walk my dog. My life looks and feels different right now. I love it.