Letter from the editor: To those who are terrified of starting over again

Today I found a vlog I made of what a week in my life looked like in 2018. I would attend brand events, launch events for clients, play tennis, row, and speak at a conference in front of hundreds of people all in a week. I liked that life, and thought that’s how my days would look like until I change my mind. But the pandemic, of course, took away that choice. I would often wonder in the past year and a half who I really am beyond that life. Am I relevant or successful or even the least bit useful if I weren’t doing those things?

When the pandemic first started I was shocked, then angry, then I went into a period of mourning for the person I used to be. It felt unfair that I would lose so much after everything I’ve been through. There were days when I felt like it was game over for me. My husband would sometimes chide me for being melodramatic, and perhaps I am, but I am entitled to have feelings so I can process them.

I was - am - terrified of starting over again. But is it really that bad?

I was listening to a song from the Broadway musical called If/Then yesterday. The song is “Always Starting Over Again” sung by the inimitable Idina Menzel. The musical follows a heroine whose life diverges in two directions after she makes a seemingly simple choice.

If we're always
Starting over
Every brand-new morning
Then we're always
Starting out
With the end in doubt
We can leave life for tomorrow
Or grieve all that we thought we'd do
Or make each moment new

We have a tendency to think that we only get one shot in life, one big shot that we can’t mess up or it’s all over. We think that if we start over then we’ve lost everything. But that’s not true. We get infinite chances to make things right or try for a new dream. We are all always starting over again. There’s no shame in it; in fact, when we start over we bring in new wisdom from an old path.

Starting over requires humility and forgiveness. Humility, so you can allow yourself to realize that we can’t control everything and that we make mistakes like any other human being. Forgiveness, so you can allow yourself to move on without that heaviness clawing in your heart and weighing you down.

Don’t be terrified of starting over again. You are strong enough to do it as often as you need to, in the process of becoming.