Are you feeling demotivated and less confident these days? You’re not alone. I think some of it has to do with how everything felt so normal in December - there were gatherings with family and friends, and we felt like our old self again - but January dashed that feeling on the rocks. Many got sick and isolated at home, and the outside world felt like we’re in the first couple of months of the pandemic. Again, like a bad B-movie on loop. Anyone would be wrecked; I know I am.

Today I found a vlog I made of what a week in my life looked like in 2018. I would attend brand events, launch events for clients, play tennis, row, and speak at a conference in front of hundreds of people all in a week. I liked that life, and thought that’s how my days would look like until I change my mind. But the pandemic, of course, took away that choice. I would often wonder in the past year and a half who I really am beyond that life. Am I relevant or successful or even the least bit useful if I weren’t doing those things?

When I was younger I believed with all my heart that if things were not perfect, they were worthless. It started when I’d watch shampoo commercials with beautiful women bearing only shiny, straight hair. Comparing my curly, frizzy hair with it - often described as the enemy in those commercials - made me hate my hair with a passion. I was seven or nine. I almost poured boiling hot cooking oil on my head thinking that’s how hot oils worked. Luckily I didn’t but that’s only because the plastic container melted.

Once upon a time, as a stupid and impressionable young girl, I almost poured boiling hot oil on my head.

It was no accident. When my mother was out of the house, I heated some cooking oil in a pan to pour over my head. You see I’ve been watching these commercials about shampoo with a “hot oil” effect, promising to straighten out curly hair to produce this ultra smooth, ultra straight hair. I wanted to be the beautiful model with the swishy mane that’s so straight a comb just glides down from it! It’s so different from my own voluminous head of wavy, almost curly hair. That was the year I started to intensely hate my hair and the rest of what I looked like. I wanted to change it, so I was going to try this “hot oil” and it was going to look amazing.

I was reading a science-fiction novel the other day about a galactic empire that’s on the brink of collapse. The head of the empire is thrust upon the responsibility with little choice, and she expresses doubts about being able to save people in the chaos. She asked one of the characters how she always seemed so confident. The answer, “Confidence is not about knowing you’re right. Confidence is about knowing that you can make it right.”

My average week can get pretty intense. I get asked about how I do it all and where I find the time to run a company (with different verticals - retail, PR, media), attend speaking and hosting engagements, and still do a little sports or art in between.

Around this time last year I was giving a talk at a Belle De Jour event. I can’t remember what the topic was exactly, but it’s somewhere along the lines of mistakes I made that brought me where I am today. (Note to self: I must share that here too!) There was a Q&A portion after the talk. Somebody asked: how does a person know what their dream is?