Monday Musings: The Power of Extending Discomfort

These days, phrases like “protecting peace” and “enforcing boundaries” have become beloved mantras for people my age and younger. And honestly, why not? Who wouldn’t want a calm, drama-free life, free from the draining energy of people who refuse to respect us—and our peace? I know I do. I’ve worked hard to carve out a life that feels safe, cozy, and true to who I am. Protecting that is a huge priority for me.

But lately, I’ve been thinking about how these ideas, while empowering, have started to shift in meaning. It’s like we’ve gone from shielding ourselves from toxic situations to shielding ourselves from any situation that causes discomfort. Discomfort is now often seen as a red flag. Something to avoid. Something that means a person or situation isn't “aligned” or “serving us anymore.”

That’s where I start to draw the line.

I think that in many situation, being uncomfortable is actually good. It can be a sign that we’re entering new territory and we’re being challenged to think, act, or even just feel differently. And yes, I get it, it’s not always fun. Actually it’s rarely fun! But it can be the exact thing we need to stretch and evolve into our next version of ourselves.

Now, let me be clear: discomfort is not the same as feeling unsafe. Feeling unsafe means we’re in danger—emotionally, mentally, or physically—and that is never okay. Those situations absolutely call for boundaries and exits. But discomfort? That’s often just unfamiliarity. It’s the awkward silence in a tough but necessary conversation. It’s the sting of constructive criticism. It’s the flutter in our chest before we try something new, or admit we were wrong, or ask for help. And those are all part of growth.

Here’s an example. Right now a goal for me is to start playing games at tennis. Sure I can hit balls well enough, but hitting a ball from trainer versus a live ball from another recreational player like me is a completely different story. My serves are also completely unreliable and just plain ugly. Most of the time, during group practice with my coach, I end up being the worst or second to the worst once live balls are thrown at me. It’s embarrassing. I feel like people expect me to do better but I. Just. Don’t.

I acknowledge that this is a me problem and likely no one else cares close to as much as I do about it. And yet I keep putting myself in that position, because how else can I learn how to play games? Indeed, I’m getting better every session! But I am actively learning how to sit with the discomfort of my being bad at it and other people knowing that. Each time I extend my discomfort, it feels easier compared to the last. Eventually I will be free of the insecurity and the mental limits I’ve grown up with. That, my friends, is power.

If we can have power over our discomfort, then we can have more power over ourselves and our situation. At least, that’s what I believe.