Monday Musings: The Power of Saying No (Or Why We Need To Stop People Pleasing)
Let’s be honest: saying “no” is hard. For a lot of us—especially women—it feels like we’re breaking some unspoken rule about being “nice.” We’ve been taught to be agreeable, accommodating, and to go with the flow, even if that flow is dragging us into something we really don’t want to do. And because of this, we find ourselves in awkward situations where we say yes, even when everything in our body is screaming nope.
But here’s the thing: saying yes when we really mean no is worse than just being upfront. It leads to resentment, frustration, and feeling like a walking doormat. Sound familiar?
Why Is Saying No So Hard?
For starters, we don’t want to disappoint people. There’s this pressure—especially for women—to always be the helpful one, the team player, the one who makes things easier. We fear being labeled as difficult or selfish, so we throw out “maybes” or vague excuses to soften the blow. Or worse, we say yes and then secretly seethe about it for weeks. (We’ve all been there, right?)
And honestly, the implied no—the “I’ll let you know,” the ghosting, the “Oh, I’d love to, but I’m so busy right now”—is almost more frustrating than a straight-up rejection.
The Damage of Always Saying Yes
When we say yes just to avoid discomfort, we’re the ones who end up paying the price. You’re overextended, stressed, and probably low-key irritated at everyone involved. And let’s face it, no one wants to be around someone who’s secretly stewing because they agreed to something they didn’t want to do in the first place.
The worst part? That resentment leaks into your relationships. You start resenting others for “making” you do things you didn’t want to do, when really, all you had to do was say no from the start. It’s a mess that could’ve been avoided with two simple letters: N-O.
Why Saying No Is Actually a Good Thing
Here’s a radical idea: no is a complete sentence. You don’t have to explain it. You don’t have to justify it. You don’t need to come up with an elaborate story involving a long-lost cousin’s wedding or a mysterious illness that conveniently flares up whenever someone asks you for a favor.
Saying no is empowering because it lets you take control of your time and energy. It tells people, “Hey, I’ve got boundaries, and I respect myself enough to stick to them.” And let me tell you, the people who respect your boundaries are the ones you actually want to keep in your life.
How to Say No (Without Feeling Guilty)
If you’re new to setting boundaries, the idea of saying no can feel daunting. But like any skill, it gets easier with practice. Here are a few tips to help you say no with grace and without guilt:
Be Direct: A simple, “I won’t be able to make it,” or “That’s not something I’m interested in,” is enough. You don’t need to explain or justify why. You can keep it short and sweet.
Practice Self-Compassion: Remind yourself that saying no doesn’t make you a bad person. It’s an essential part of self-care. You’re protecting your time, energy, and peace of mind.
Offer Alternatives (If You Want To): If you feel inclined, you can suggest another solution. For example, “I can’t join you this weekend, but how about next week?” This keeps the relationship open while still honoring your current needs.
Remember, It’s Not Personal: When you say no, people usually aren’t upset with you. If they respect you, they’ll understand. If they don’t, well… maybe it’s time to rethink the relationship.
Embrace the Power of Silence: Sometimes, we feel pressured to over-explain or over-apologize when we say no. You don’t need to do that. A simple “No, thank you” followed by silence is powerful. Resist the urge to fill the space with justifications.
Reclaiming Your Time and Peace: Here’s what I’ve learned: the more you say no (and actually stick to it), the more people respect it. They get used to the idea that you have boundaries, and they stop asking for every little thing. It’s a win-win. You get your time and sanity back, and they don’t have to deal with a resentful version of you.
So the next time someone asks for something and you feel that familiar wave of dread, take a deep breath and just say it: “No, thanks.” No drama, no long-winded explanations. Just no. Trust me, it feels amazing.
