Monday Musings: My Rough Relationship with Beauty
Lately, I’ve been feeling a little lost when it comes to my relationship with beauty. When I started beauty blogging 16 years ago, everything was new and exciting - I was nowhere near being an expert when it came to teaching others about beauty products and techniques, but it was fun to discover things on my own and eventually, together with you. I loved learning how to apply eyeliner, discovering things at the drugstore, and eventually being able to buy and get gifted luxury products. Now, I have access to everything. But these days I find it difficult to be interested and engaged. I haven’t really sat down to think about why.
When I was in my early 20s, I used beauty like a knife. It was a tool to get into places a person like me never would’ve gotten into and demonstrate excellence (such as it were at the time). I had some trauma growing up because I was considered “ugly” - super dark skin, curly hair, crooked teeth, thick glasses - and I had to “show them” they were wrong about me. I had an awful chip on my shoulder. Beauty for me was a compulsion back then. I had to be beautiful to the best of my ability, or else I would be nothing.
In my late 20s I’ve had a shift in my beauty philosophy. As I achieved more things and felt more secure about my place in the world, I started to think of beauty as an optional performance. It’s ok to be ugly; I am more than what I look like after all. I would be conventionally beautiful, but only on my terms. I had a comfortable relationship with my appearance and my industry in general. I was passionate about it, but it wasn’t something I needed to be happy.
Now I’m 36 and I feel generally disinterested about beauty these days. I’m not sure I should be so candid here, but that’s the truth. I love the way I look like now and find that I don’t in fact need too many things for me to be happy with my appearance. There are lots of new products to explore but after 16 years there is a feeling that I’ve seen it all before. There are some new techniques but many of them are derivative. The industry in general needs to make make make and sell sell sell products in order to survive and the pace can be exhausting. What is this all for? It’s an important question to ask.
As I reflect on my journey with beauty, I realize that my relationship with it has evolved in ways I never anticipated. What once felt like a necessity to prove my worth has transformed into something much deeper and more meaningful. Beauty is no longer a compulsion or a tool for validation; it's a choice, an expression, and sometimes, a simple pleasure.
Yes, the industry can feel overwhelming and repetitive at times, but my “why” remains strong. It's not about chasing every new trend or product anymore—it's about helping others find their own path. Whether it’s guiding someone towards greater self-confidence, offering genuine advice on what’s truly worth their time and money, or simply providing a space where the joy of beauty can be celebrated, these are the reasons I keep going.
So, while I may not feel the same thrill I once did, I’m reminded that the heart of beauty is still there—waiting to be shared, explored, and redefined with every new step of the journey. And that, to me, is more than enough.
