Monday Musings: The Bars of Our Self-Made Cages

Last Saturday, Project Vanity hosted a sniff session with the community, and let me tell you, it was a scent-sational event. We sniffed, we chatted, and we learned a ton about fragrances. I wish you could have been there! During the event, I met this amazing lady who created her own perfume. It was seriously impressive. So, I told her, “You should totally sell this!” But she just shrugged and said, “I’m shy. I can’t.”

Now, I don’t know about you, but hearing that made me want to shake her (gently, of course) and say, “Girl, if you can whip up a fragrance that makes people stop and sniff like I did, you can sell it!” But I didn’t. Instead I will write this in the hopes that she will see it.

Let’s be real – we’ve all been there. Maybe you’ve looked in the mirror and thought, “I could never pull off that bold lip,” or perhaps you’ve dismissed the idea of starting a side hustle because “everyone else is already doing it.” We tell ourselves these little stories, and they become the bars of our self-made cages.

But here’s the truth: those bars are flimsy AF. Most of the time, what’s really holding us back isn’t reality, but fear. Fear of failure, fear of judgment, fear of stepping outside our comfort zones. I feel this often enough to know its familiar footprint in my mind. If we don’t KNOW for certain that we will be good at it, why bother right?

This lady with the perfume? She’s good at it, and perhaps she doesn’t quite realize it it. She’s created something unique, something that could bring joy to so many noses (and hearts). Yet, she’s letting the fear of putting herself out there stop her. Imagine if Chanel had thought, “Well, there are already so many perfumes out there, why bother?” We’d be living in a Chael No. 5-less world, my friends.

Recently, the fierce and fabulous Bretman Rock shared a TikTok about where he got his confidence. He says it’s a common question he gets, and understandably so - he’s brimming with attitude and this unshakable belief in himself in all of his performances. And he said, “I’m confident because I decided that I was. I’m beautiful because I decided I was.”

I found that to be incredibly profound and true. To be confident, you just have to decide that you are. That’s all it takes. For years my husband would tell me this, but I never really understood it - and I mean fully understand it - until recently. All it takes to be confident is to decide that you are. Nobody else can argue otherwise once you’ve convinced yourself.

So, what’s the lesson here? It’s time to stop feeding the beast of self-doubt. Let’s challenge those imaginary limitations. Next time you catch yourself saying “I can’t,” ask yourself, “Says who?” More often than not, the answer is...well, you.

So, to the lady with the perfume – and to anyone reading this – take a deep breath and jump. Sell that perfume, start that project, wear that bold look. The world is full of possibilities, and you owe it to yourself to explore them. Don’t let your mind be the biggest obstacle to your success.Let’s stop hiding behind our self-imposed limitations and start believing in our own potential. Who knows? You might just surprise yourself.